We can deny it all we like but let's be honest we're all absolutely fascinated with what goes on behind the scenes with elite footballers.
Fly-on-the-wall docuseries at top clubs are two a penny these days, but even these are often painfully curated by brand-conscious corporations and provide no real nuggets into what our favourite superstar athletes are really like as sensitive, flawed human beings away from the pitch.
For the real insight into our heroes' psyches, the best we have to hope for is... well, most recently it's the infamous leaked picture of the Manchester United first-team's order for a three-course dinner!
United players meals tonight at their team meal - hammer away ? pic.twitter.com/nD5KgrMDkU
— . (@ManUnitedZone__) August 4, 2021
They say you can tell a lot about a person by what they eat, and on that basis United have got some absolute gems in their squad along with a few proper rascals.
Armed with this new information, the only sensible thing we could do at 90min towers was rank them from worst to best order...
24. Mason Greenwood
Starter: n/a
Main: Fillet steak (well-done)
Pudding: n/a
Sides: Halloumi fries
A well-done fillet steak!? He'd be better off chewing on the tablecloth.
Admittedly at 19, most are content with a fistful of WKDs and a chicken and mushroom Pot Noodle but c'mon Mason, you're better than that...
The halloumi fries have at least scored him one point on our official scale, but swerving a starter and a pudding along with a well-done steak is unforgivable.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 1/10
23. Victor Lindelof
Starter: n/a
Main: Burger
Pudding: Creme brulee
Sides: n/a
Right, we can forgive Greenwood for being too young to appreciate fine food, but this is poor from Victor Lindelof, who is clearly not a foodie.
A lot of marks deducted again for not utilising all of the courses available to him - we don't care if they're multi-millionaires, free food is free food - and what is 'burger' all about? No specification? Just burger?
Where's your passion, Victor? Where's your drive? That meal stinks of a fella who's sat in the corner on his own giving Harry Maguire daggers for leaving him for Raphael Varane after he promised they'd be together forever.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 1.5/10
22. Scott McTominay
Starter: Tempura chicken
Main: Chicken supreme
Pudding: n/a
Sides: n/a
From a man who was raised on deep-fried black pudding and Irn-Bru (probably) this simply isn't good enough.
Scott McTominay's order showed plenty of promise in the early stages, with a tasty bit of tempura chicken followed by chicken supreme, but it all fell apart at the end when he just decided not to bother with the rest.
You've basically ordered a KFC there mate.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 2/10
21. Axel Tuanzebe
Starter: n/a
Main: Rib of beef
Pudding: n/a
Sides: Sweet potato fries
Imagine going out for a three-course meal and then only ordering a main course. Absolute amateur.
In fairness to the youngster, the food he's ordered looks good with a rib of beef for mains accompanied by some sweet potato fries, but no-one wants to be that guy sat twiddling their thumbs while everyone else on your table is tucking into their pudding.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 3/10
20. Anthony Martial
Starter: Normal bread
Main: Chicken supreme
Pudding: Creme brulee
Sides: Spinach
Any establishment where you have to specify the bread you'd like to order is 'normal' sounds a bit dodgy.
Anthony Martial has done well to use up all of the courses available to him, but his choices are vanilla.
Spinach? You're not Popeye mate, get yourself some frites!
Ainsley Harriott rating: 3/10
19. Luke Shaw
Starter: Normal bread
Main: Cheeseburger
Pudding: n/a
Sides: Fries and chips
Right, we might have scored Luke Shaw pretty far down our list, but can we just appreciate the endeavour and the audacity of a trailblazer who orders fries and chips. That's a man who's been scorned by the arrival of poor chips to his table before and isn't prepared to make the same mistake again.
Carb loading aside, he's essentially ordered a Burger King and added some bread. If he chooses to put the burger inside the bread then he's going straight to number one on our list but without that intel he'll have to settle for 19th.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 3.5/10
18. Andreas Pereira
Starter: Skink
Main: Steak (medium)
Pudding: Cheesecake
Sides: n/a
Going to have to assume 'skink' is not the type of lizard, but some kind of thick, fish soup.
Aside from that abomination of a starter, a medium steak with cheesecake for desert is a solid choice.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 5/10
17. Daniel James
Starter: n/a
Main: Cheeseburger
Pudding: Creme brulee
Sides: Halloumi fries
Never has a meal screamed 'I don't know what any of these options on the menu are' more than this.
Still, we're not going to come down too hard on Daniel James for sticking to what he knows, and halloumi fries with a cheeseburger is a decent choice.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 5/10
16. Donny van de Beek
Starter: Tempura chicken
Main: Chicken supreme
Pudding: Cheesecake
Sides: n/a
Weird that Donny van de Beek chose not to have any sides when he's spent his entire United career on the... sidelines, RIGHT GUYS?! Alright, maybe not.
There's not much to get excited about here and the omission of any sides shows a real lack of creativity from the midfielder, but a load of chicken and some cheesecake does the job we suppose.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 5/10
15. Harry Maguire
Starter: Ham Hock
Main: Chicken supreme
Pudding: Sticky toffee pudding
Sides: n/a
If asked guess which one Manchester United player ordered ham hock for starter, you would immediately guess Harry Maguire, wouldn't you? Yes, you would.
The United centre-back was the only player to have a meal request rejected after he asked for each of his three courses to be 'drowned in thick, juicy gravy - especially the sticky toffee pudding'.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 5/10
14. David de Gea
Starter: Normal bread
Main: Steak (medium)
Pudding: Creme brulee
Sides: n/a
Meh, bit of a nothing meal really, isn't it?
Maybe DDG was too busy watching YouTube compilations of Dean Henderson's best bits when the orders were being placed and so he just got given the default meal.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 5/10
13. Nemanja Matic
Starter: Tempura chicken
Main: Fillet steak (medium)
Pudding: Creme brulee
Sides: n/a
This is such a Nemanja Matic order - safe, calculated and steady. If ever a meal screamed 'I've got my pass completion stats for the season pinned on my bedroom wall' it's this.
Again the lack of sides is a huge disappointment from such an experienced campaigner, but his three-course choice gets the job done.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 6/10
12. Aaron Wan-Bissaka
Starter: n/a
Main: Cheeseburger
Pudding: Sticky toffee pudding
Sides: Sweet potato fries and mash
FINALLY SOMEONE ORDERED MASH!
Thank you Aaron Wan-Bissaka, chuck your spinach and your normal bread in the bin and give us some of that soft, beige nectar.
Similar to Matic, the right-back's order pretty much sums up his playing style - dependable and solid but a little uneasy when it comes to pushing the boat out and trying something new.
Order this man some skink and it'll transform him into a prime Cafu.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 6/10
11. Bruno Fernandes
Starter: Goats' cheese
Main: Steak (medium)
Pudding: Sticky toffee pudding
Sides: Sweet potato fries, halloumi and spinach
This is more like it, finally a bit of flare and ambition.
It was actually Bruno Fernandes who jotted down all of the Manchester United team's orders, with the Portuguese midfielder apparently refusing to let anyone else take the pen, RIGHT GUYS?! (I'm sorry).
Lovely bit of endeavour with the goats' cheese starter - the first time we've seen the dish on our list - and there's plenty to admire about a man who fills his boots with three sides.
Spinach is a bit of a let down but very good effort on the whole.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 7/10
10. Fred
Starter: Tempura chicken
Main: Rib of beef
Pudding: n/a
Sides: Mac & cheese
Possible the first man named Fred to ever order tempura chicken.
The Brazilian midfielder was doing so well until he bottled the desert and would have been much higher on our list had he opted for a bit of sticky toffee pudding, but his overall meal is pretty good and can go straight into the top five of his best moments at Manchester United.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 7/10
9. Brandon Williams
Starter: n/a
Main: Fillet steak (medium)
Pudding: Cheesecake
Sides: Fries
Bonus points for Brandon Williams here given he's shown the majority of the youngsters in United's squad how it should be done.
Newcastle are again rumoured to be interested in bringing the full-back to Tyneside, and this order has all the hallmarks of a man who knows he'll be getting fed corned beef pasties by Steve Bruce for the next 12 months.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 7/10
8. Phil Jones
Starter: Tempura chicken
Main: Chicken supreme
Pudding: Sticky toffee pudding
Sides: Sweet potato fries
Bit weird of Phil Jones to write 'NO KNIFE AND FORK NEEDED' next to his order - in fairness they're pretty redundant when you're planning on taking a run-up before face planting into your meal - but we'll look past that and concentrate on the actual food.
The defender may have become synonymous with mistakes on the pitch but his meal choice here is impressive.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 7.5/10
7. Matej Kovar
Starter: n/a
Main: Chicken supreme
Pudding: Caramel & Biscoff tartlet
Sides: Mash
Phwoarrr that pudding looks an absolute treat. Matej... (double checks) Kovar is a name to remember!
The level of composure required to finish off your meal with a desert like that can't be underestimated, and at 21 years of age we see big things ahead for young Matej.
In two or three years time he's going to be mixing it with the big boys absolutely no doubt about it, and the addition of some cheese and a starter to this meal will have him challenging for a spot on the podium.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 7.5/10
6. James Garner
Starter: n/a
Main: Rib of beef
Pudding: Caramel & Biscoff tartlet
Sides: Fries and halloumi fries
Very similar to Kovar's order, with a bit of training and some fine tuning James Garner is destined for the top.
Fries and halloumi fries is fantastically audacious, all that's missing is that starter. But these are all things he'll learn over time and hopefully some of the United players have a quiet word in his ear and let him know where he's gone wrong.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 7.5/10
5. Tom Heaton
Starter: Tempura chicken
Main: BBQ short rib
Pudding: Caramel & Biscoff tartlet
Sides: Thick cut chips
This really is impressive stuff from Tom Heaton.
'Thick cut chips' is a sign of a man who's dined alongside Sean Dyche on many an occasion, though thankfully he's opted against the Burnley's boss' main of gravel and worms.
Load up on those carbs Tom, watching from the stands isn't easy.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 8/10
4. Lee Grant
Starter: Normal bread
Main: Cheeseburger
Pudding: Sticky toffee pudding
Sides: Mac & cheese
The goalkeepers are doing themselves proud here.
Again the cheese and carb overload is fantastic, and it's nice to see he's got one eye on tomorrow's session by fuelling up properly ahead of a busy day of picking up all the cones after training.
Lee Grant may not have long left at United but it's good to see him making the most of his free meals while it lasts.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 8/10
3. Jesse Lingard
Starter: Tempura chicken
Main: Cheeseburger (only cheese nothing else on it)
Pudding: Sticky toffee pudding
Sides: Halloumi fries and mac & cheese
Having spent the last six months on a diet of jellied eels, pie and mash with a side of bubbles, Jesse Lingard is now attempting to wean himself off the West Ham diet.
The mains is absolute textbook Lingard and we can actually picture him ordering it while wearing sunglasses (despite being inside) and playing Pokemon Go on his phone.
A cheeseburger with nothing but cheese is just a cheese sandwich, right? But ordering double cheese for his sides as well gets a massive thumbs up.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 8/10
2. Diogo Dalot
Starter: Tempura chicken
Main: Steak (medium-well)
Pudding: Creme brulee
Sides: Sweet potato fries and mac & cheese
If that steak was medium-rare and not medium-well Diogo Dalot would be in at number one on our list - bet he's regretting getting his steak cooked how he likes it now.
We're sorry but to get the sought-after 10/10 rating on the Ainsley Harriott scale you can't afford to put a foot wrong, a Dalot's main has seen him slip up with the trophy in sight.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 9/10
1. Juan Mata
Starter: Goats' cheese
Main: Steak (medium)
Pudding: Cheesecake
Sides: Halloumi fries
Considering Juan Mata spent a good 20 minutes reading the menu out for Lingard who refused to take his sunnies off indoors, he's done brilliantly to place such a good order.
There's creativity, there's passion... and most importantly of all there's cheese everywhere you look.
Congratulations Juan, you've won. Enjoy the money. I hope it makes you happy. Now take your cheese and get off my property.
Ainsley Harriott rating: 10/10
Source : 90min