DON'T DO IT

From the Times

You would pay good money just to watch some footballers in training. The ball-juggling skills of Ronaldinho might be first pick, but the venom in the boots of Paul Scholes can be no less spectacular. “Gary Neville was having a p*** one day, 45 yards away by the fence,” Sir Alex Ferguson once recounted. “Scholes whacked him right in the a***.”

The Manchester United manager has even found himself in the line of fire from Scholes and Wayne Rooney at target practice. “They batter balls all over the place and one of them will hit me one day and kill me,” Ferguson added. “That Scholes sends them inches by my head. Then all they hear is me bellowing ‘Scholes!' ‘What?' he says, looking like an angel.”

Ferguson's fondness for the ginger mischief-maker and net-breaker is shared by many who, on the back of some fine performances, long for Scholes to come out of international retirement. It is something that the player has considered.

A little-known fact is that he contemplated changing his mind a year after stepping down in the aftermath of a dispiriting Euro 2004.

Having settled (come what may) on a midfield of David Beckham, Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard and Joe Cole, Sven-Göran Eriksson could offer no guarantees of a starting place and was less than enthusiastic. A brief stand-off developed, with each side waiting for the other to call, and the idea eventually fizzled out.

Steve McClaren has left Scholes in no such doubt that he wants him back, even boarding United's flight home from a recent Champions League game in Lisbon to try to tempt him into his 67th cap. No wonder when, in just about every game the England head coach watches, Scholes is the most accomplished performer, consistently upstaging Michael Carrick.

It happened again on Sunday when, in his 500th game for United, Scholes made Carrick look like a teenager on work experience. On the surface, it must have been the cause of deepening regret for McClaren and yet he can no more guarantee Scholes a place in the England team than Eriksson. Proof, in other words, that while we drool over the midfield player's form, the case for restoring him to international colours is far from clear cut.

The pleas for Scholes to return are eminently understandable but, over the years, he played in a lot of poor England performances. He may have missed much of last season with an eye condition but, if he truly was the answer to England's midfield malaise, we would have heard much more of it a long time before now.